Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Our First Anniversary
Adam and I had an absolute blast on our anniversary. We went and saw Mt. Mckinley and went to the the zoo. It was pretty dang amazing!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
So I am a Stone; Rough and Grainy Still
Lately, I have had an overwhelming sense of desire to do good in this world, and a determination to leave a mark on something as a servant of my Heavenly Father. I want to make a difference in this world for the better and I want to be a worthy human being to do so.
Sometimes, I don't feel worthy though.
I have been thinking a lot lately about what's important and it's come down to the fact that summer sales isn't forever, nor should it be. It's great to save money for school, or to get money to fix a car, or to put some money away to start a family, but this is not it.
I want to write a book.
For me.
I want to prove to myself that I can do it, and I want to feel empowered by living out one of my lifelong dreams of writing. I don't want to give up everything that I am to be out here, so I wont. I will give you updates at how my story is going, but it may be a long process since I'm not all that great at it.
A part of me, probably a bigger part of me than what it should be, wants so badly to get my unwritten book published, but I'm going to put that aside and write this book for me. But I want to make a difference in people's lives for the better and if I can do that by writing, then I would be a very happy girl.
Today, Husband is sick. I wish he would get better. (Not that I don't love having him around, but it's no fun being sick.) I pray for him everyday that he will be okay and he will have the strength to be honest and do well as a salesman. I hope he knows that I have complete faith in him. The sickness will pass and life will be okay again, but for now I am happy taking care of my sick hubby. :)
About a week ago, Husband and I took a trip down to the beach. We laughed as we threw rocks at things and tried skipping some of the flatter ones along the water. Most rocks were easy to throw, but there were two that I couldn't bare the thought of loosing to the ocean or the vast span of rocks. One was almost completely perfect. It was oval and was so perfectly proportioned that I stuck it in my pocket to send to my little brother. There was another one, that was so smooth, and even though it was pretty uneven, something about it was really quite endearing to me. I stuck that one in my pocket with the other rock.
When we got home I pulled them out and set them on my nightstand so that I could remember to send them back home (or at least pack them up in my suitcase when we leave), and they've been there ever since.
As indicated in previous posts, I haven't been having the best time here. Thoughts of inadequacy and unworthiness have plagued me almost ever since the moment I stepped off the plane in Anchorage. My imperfections have been held under a magnifying glass and I have fallen sick to the self-conscious disease.
But, there are these stones, perfectly smooth, sitting on my nightstand reminding me of a song by one of my favorite artists. The lyrics that have been playing in my mind over and over and over again because of these little stones have given me so much encouragement and strength, it's been overwhelming.
Rolling river God.
Little stones are smooth
Only once the water passes through.
.... And when i close my eyes and feel you rushing by
I know that time brings change and change takes time
And when the sunset comes, my prayer would be this one
that you might pick me up and notice that I am
Just a little smoother in you hands.
You can listen to the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jqz6i1vJJg
Anyway, I am doing much better. I am 54 pages into my book, and I will keep you updated. Thanks for reading.
BW
Sometimes, I don't feel worthy though.
I have been thinking a lot lately about what's important and it's come down to the fact that summer sales isn't forever, nor should it be. It's great to save money for school, or to get money to fix a car, or to put some money away to start a family, but this is not it.
I want to write a book.
For me.
I want to prove to myself that I can do it, and I want to feel empowered by living out one of my lifelong dreams of writing. I don't want to give up everything that I am to be out here, so I wont. I will give you updates at how my story is going, but it may be a long process since I'm not all that great at it.
A part of me, probably a bigger part of me than what it should be, wants so badly to get my unwritten book published, but I'm going to put that aside and write this book for me. But I want to make a difference in people's lives for the better and if I can do that by writing, then I would be a very happy girl.
Today, Husband is sick. I wish he would get better. (Not that I don't love having him around, but it's no fun being sick.) I pray for him everyday that he will be okay and he will have the strength to be honest and do well as a salesman. I hope he knows that I have complete faith in him. The sickness will pass and life will be okay again, but for now I am happy taking care of my sick hubby. :)
About a week ago, Husband and I took a trip down to the beach. We laughed as we threw rocks at things and tried skipping some of the flatter ones along the water. Most rocks were easy to throw, but there were two that I couldn't bare the thought of loosing to the ocean or the vast span of rocks. One was almost completely perfect. It was oval and was so perfectly proportioned that I stuck it in my pocket to send to my little brother. There was another one, that was so smooth, and even though it was pretty uneven, something about it was really quite endearing to me. I stuck that one in my pocket with the other rock.
When we got home I pulled them out and set them on my nightstand so that I could remember to send them back home (or at least pack them up in my suitcase when we leave), and they've been there ever since.
As indicated in previous posts, I haven't been having the best time here. Thoughts of inadequacy and unworthiness have plagued me almost ever since the moment I stepped off the plane in Anchorage. My imperfections have been held under a magnifying glass and I have fallen sick to the self-conscious disease.
But, there are these stones, perfectly smooth, sitting on my nightstand reminding me of a song by one of my favorite artists. The lyrics that have been playing in my mind over and over and over again because of these little stones have given me so much encouragement and strength, it's been overwhelming.
Rolling river God.
Little stones are smooth
Only once the water passes through.
.... And when i close my eyes and feel you rushing by
I know that time brings change and change takes time
And when the sunset comes, my prayer would be this one
that you might pick me up and notice that I am
Just a little smoother in you hands.
You can listen to the song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jqz6i1vJJg
Anyway, I am doing much better. I am 54 pages into my book, and I will keep you updated. Thanks for reading.
BW
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
What was that? I think you said something ridiculous but I can't hear it over the stupid.
I quit my job today. I figured I was done being treated like crap so I put in my two weeks notice after a Sexual Harassment seminar gone wrong. To celebrate my loving husband is taking me to see "Eclipse" tonight at 12:10 and yes, I'm excited. I know it'll probably be ridiculously stupid, but I am a Twilight fan, and was one before it even became big, so there!
So, this is what quitting means:
1. I won't go crazy and lose my sanity and Adam won't have to worry about me jumping off one of the distant Alaskan Mountains.
2. I won't have to have my phone on me at all times, neither do I have to answer it when someone calls. Joyous day!
3. I can write my story.
4. I can take more pictures.
5. I can finish making the present I'm working on for my future niece.
6. I can actually go out at SEE Alaska and not just the back of the house staring at my apartment window.
7. Adam will sell better because he won't have to be worrying so much about how stressed I am.
8. Adam will have his wife back. (Yay personality! I missed you.)
9. I won't have to deal with people fighting with me all the time over stupid stuff that they have to do.
10. I don't have to work.
Maybe I'll be able to go out selling with Adam one of these days. :) I still have two weeks left but I think I feel at peace with my decision. Nervous, but really good.
Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing me with strength. I really needed it.
-Britni-
So, this is what quitting means:
1. I won't go crazy and lose my sanity and Adam won't have to worry about me jumping off one of the distant Alaskan Mountains.
2. I won't have to have my phone on me at all times, neither do I have to answer it when someone calls. Joyous day!
3. I can write my story.
4. I can take more pictures.
5. I can finish making the present I'm working on for my future niece.
6. I can actually go out at SEE Alaska and not just the back of the house staring at my apartment window.
7. Adam will sell better because he won't have to be worrying so much about how stressed I am.
8. Adam will have his wife back. (Yay personality! I missed you.)
9. I won't have to deal with people fighting with me all the time over stupid stuff that they have to do.
10. I don't have to work.
Maybe I'll be able to go out selling with Adam one of these days. :) I still have two weeks left but I think I feel at peace with my decision. Nervous, but really good.
Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing me with strength. I really needed it.
-Britni-
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